My experience of the Shaikh – Part 1


I was always wondering in life. Always confused, never had a clear answer for things in life. I always knew I had a sense that I was born for a purpose, but I never had the slightest clue what that was. Movies and media told me that I was born to seek freedom, which meant in their terms to seek physical satisfaction. Even when they talked about ideals, they said the greatest ideal was freedom. Years and years passed by, I was under the illusion that I was somehow on a sacred mission to protect freedom. In order to do that, I would think that I need to affirm my freedom and the freedom of others by breaking “societal norms”.

Years passed by, I forgot my causes and purposes. To prove that I was smart and knew what I was doing, I had a system, work very hard, make a lot of money, spend and induldge in physical pleasures. If I could keep my numbers right, in good shape, I thought I would never need to focus on anything spiritual. My soul, if it ever existed, would have to work harder to get noticed. If my body and heart make themselves heard, why is my soul remaning silent?

More years passed by, all the numbers were in check. Every detail was right. Success at work, all forms of physical pleasure, lots of money. Amazingly, despite that, I was feeling a huge void inside, and it was getting bigger and bigger. I couldn’t figure out why all those around me would in one way or another were on a path of self destruction. It was like whenever I looked at what I thought was a beautiful white flower, I would take a closer look and see a swarm of maggots.

Shock after shock, disappointment after disappointment. Masks fell, loved ones fell from grace and friends betrayed. What I could never figure out was, why is the same thing happening again and again?

In order to avoid any type of religious obligation, I research all the new age forms of spirituality I could find. I tried to treat my spiritual yearning as a pain I just needed to numb. I guess it comes as no surprise that I reached no level of success, just more pain, misery and emptiness inside.

As I am writing this, there seems to be a flow of words coming out of my mind, nothing has been proof read, and I intend to publish this exactly as it has been written.

I had a crisis of consceience, always felt that there is something I should be doing that I am not. That is exactly how it felt, and I would always take that back to ADD, or just the fact that I was confused and tired, so maybe it was my mother constantly pushing me to achieve that filled me with such unwarranted guilt.

It finally became apparent to me, in true Arean form, that I needed to do something about this “situation”, I needed to solve life’s questions and do it really quickly and once and for all. There was another part of me that was really sceptical. How was I to find the truth? How was I to answer the questions people spent their whole lives trying to answer?

I spent a almost 2 years (a very short time) in extreme pain, humiliation, helplessness and despair. I had never lost my belief in Allah, and somehow I had to call on him. I would release and SOS from earth to the heavens calling in HIM to SAVE me, to “beam me up”. No one else had the answers, no one else could save me. I trusted no one, believed no one and wanted no one. I even lost faith in myself, I finally came to the conclusion that niether my brain, nor any human brain or combination of human brains could answer my questions. My answer had to come from HIM and only HE could answer. But would he?

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My life’s work

All through my life I have always struggled to find meaning, reason and sense. During this struggle I have always had a deep sense of utter emptiness and lack of purpose.

I had this inner emptiness which I felt, a sense of loss and confusion. Older people always told me to live my childhood and just ignore the feeling, or they ignored my questions all together.

At one time, I was subjected to attempts at indoctrination by a holy “person”, I refused these attempts because they collided with my common sense and what I had been taught at home.

This is where I got my first sense of rejection and persecution. The holy person started to reject me and encourage the other people in my class to do the same. This had a great impact on me as I was growing up.

I learnt to secretly disagree, but never to directly question those who are older or in authority, because they always had aggressive or passive aggressive reactions.

During my teenage years, I was indoctrinated (directly by others and indirectly by media) about the joys of indulging in the physical world. The need to satisfy the ego an physical desires.

I learned the joys of rebellion and I started to realise that a lot of what I had been taught was either too superficial to matter, or just NOT TRUE.

I learned that those in authority and power could and would most probably be corrupted….

I spent the next 15 years in rebellion and confusion, with small flashes of light appearing, it was like a 3d image right in front of me, I just had to change my perspective a little bit and the path would appear…..

I fell in love with the wrong people, followed the wrong goals, all while constantly searching…

During  my teenage years, I had one profound experience. I came in touch with a teacher, an old man, engineer who showed me a new way of studying and learning for school.

He made me realise I had been cheating my self for so many years, learning just as little as possible, enough to pass the test, but never really UNDERSTANDING. He taught me that it was OK  to ask questions and take as much time as necessary to UNDERSTAND. It wasn’t about exams and passing, it was about LEARNING….

This was my life’s most profound discovery yet….


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Step 3

I have spent a lot of time last night waking up with new ideas regarding the new idea I’ve had for a technical podcast/ video series.


Here are the ideas I have envisioned so far:

1. Each cast will be from 5-10 minutes.

2. The topics will never go up to level 300/400, that is too boring and you can do a course for that.

3. The topics covered will be IT, and anything related. This could include IT marketing, project management, getting a job and passing an interview, even choosing a university or a career path.

4. It will be a truly casual and truthful atmosphere, no formalities.

5.  I will try to get some international speakers and people I respect as guests.


Oh, the name will be “Techeya”, I will explain more in my next post.


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Step 2

I am still sick at home, but I have a few ideas I am trying to formulate.

1. We need a tech community with a difference, something with BUZZ, excitement. A buzz that keeps me going and infects others.

2. It must start small and gain momentum, it must be easy to do, easy to post, not long and boring, but short and precise.

3. I  don’t want to give a long and boring in-depth post, I want people to learn, have their hand on the pulse of things so to say.

4. I will focus on breadth, not depth.

5. I will talk about how things work together, and focus on discussions and try to bridge the worlds of infrastructure with e the world of development with the world of implementation with the world of integration.

6. I will speak about alternative careers and shortcuts people can take.

7. A 5-8 min video episode with just a friendly and casual atmosphere.

I will start once a month and once I get some momentum will go from there.

Looking forward to hear some of your comments, ideas and help….


No company/corporate names, no ass kissing of any kind, just people who love technology and want to have fun learning.



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My new years resolutions

I haven’t been bloging in a long time. To tell you the truth, so many things have happened to me and I have been looking for my passions and redefining my priorities.

I can’t claim to have a definite list of resolutions, but Inshallah this is what I plan to do this year:

1. Regain my love and passion for some pet technologies.

2. Talk about my passion, present, express myself.

3. Manage my time and priorities, balancing between family, work and technology time.

4. Ensuring my intentions remain pure to my cause, to learn and enjoy my life while doing that, never focus on rewards, but just enjoy sharing my knowledge with others.

5. Forming a plan and executing on that plan this year, in terms of measurable goals.


I guess this is what I have to say for now, I now have something to get back to a year later and see where I am from my expectations and dreams. Hopefully, I won’t disappoint myself too much.


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Thoughts on Ron Jacobs post on resistance training

 I loved this post by Ron Jacobs. As a sufi- Muslim I have to say that I totally agree and hear many similar stories and ideas on my side of things 🙂


Resistance Training

"Be self-controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. Resist him, standing firm in the faith, because you know that your brothers throughout the world are undergoing the same kind of sufferings." 1 Peter 5:8-10

Sometimes I whine…  I say "God, why do I have to struggle with sin?  Can’t I just experience your peace and victory?"  This morning while working out (I seem to have a lot of great insights at the gym) I realized that I do a lot of things that aren’t very pleasant while working out.  I work out until the sweat drips from my head, I lift weights until the muscles ache and then I add more weight and do it again.

Why?  Because I want to be healthy, strong and in great physical condition.

In fact, studies show that your body was made for resistance.  Imagine a world with no resistance at all.  Space…  No bothersome gravity to bring you down just floating and flying around.

Sounds great right?  Unfortunately after even a few days in space your body starts to break down.  Your bones lose density and your muscles begin to atrophy.  Early astronauts had trouble even walking when they got back to earth.

If our physical bodies need resistance to be healthy and strong, how much more our spirit?  

God allows temptations and trials into my life to make me strong… even if it hurts and even if I fail from time to time.  God could keep me in a weightless environment far from all temptation but he chooses to keep me here for His purpose. 

Today I will face temptation.  Today I might fall or (God help me) I might stand firm in the faith and resist.  I can never be strong without the temptation.  That is why I face it over and over and over again.

Yes it is frustrating but there is no use in whining about it.  God made you and me this way – now get on that bench and lift that weight!

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