My war with myself.

A while ago, I had this life changing moment….
I was on my bed, bleeding profusely, my blood all over the floor!
 At this moment, I made a decision that would affect the rest of my life…..
I decided to create my own world, my own standards, my own ideas, and I
would be the supreme ruler in this world, all would heed to my command,
all would obey or die!
Ever since, I have lived an extremely happy life, even if it was not perfect, it was still mine.

I decided to only please myself and to only live by my standards.
I made my own rules, and ever since I have felt invulnereable, immune
to all the "problems" of life. Sometimes I feel like an undead, like a
vampire living amongst mortals.
I feel like I am a different species to all around me, they will never
understand me, I really don’t want to understand them cause they are
like mountains and trees to me, part of the landscape, but only
something I see, I decide when to here them and when to press the mut
button, which is ususally what I do .

Being a vampire ofcourse has it’s drawbacks, but the advantages far outwiegh them.

Being the creator of my own world, I can make my surroundings appear and dissapear at will.

My theory so far, is not to regret, but always to evaluate and strive to fix what i want to be fixed.
The most difficult person to please is the only person who’s opinion I care about …. me.

Being a perfectioninst, I find great satisfaction in climbing my
mountains, but whenever I get to the top, there is always another peak
waiting for me, and I can never resist climbing the next peak…….

My only problem so far is I know I will never fully live up to my
dreams, but dreams are my only reason for continuing to live in this
unperfect life, cause I am unperfect, and will always remain so.
What really makes me go on , is the challenge of climbing the next peak , and the dream of getting to the top……

But knowing that the sky os the limit, I know that I will never get there.
However, just the challenge gives meaning to life.

Another rule is to never be discouraged, I know that if u keep at it, u
will get closer and closer, maybe like in calculus, u will never reach
the point u aim to, but the more u try the closer u will be.
To know this and to be content and keep trying makes u an instoppable
force, cause as I said before u can never be beaten, unless u decide to
raise the white flag.
So I burnt my white flag and decided to always lock the door to the easy way out.

so lets see where this takes me in life, lets see if i can keep
following my rules, lets see if I can be stoppedand what it would take
to stop me.

Thats it for now, back to sipping my juice……

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One Response to My war with myself.

  1. Mohamed says:

    My own life, my own rules….
    HAAAAAAH, same I\’ve been trying to accomplish since I started realizing areas around me! mostly not getting the success I ever wanted. :-S
    Pretty to see the same rules apply to me too. Never to regret, but evaluate, and, never to be discouraged. Although not getting all the details with the same success.
    If you  think you\’re the only one with this trend, I know you\’ll get across MANY thers than me. Of course, each with own life, and tules as well.
    But, here, you\’ve done a great victory, putting the sceleton of this concept, Many MAY be living without explicitly shaping it.
    Real Great Shoot, man.

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